The Mommy Brain Fart
By Eliza Ferree
Have you ever wondered how you became so forgetful? I swear after having babies I lost some memory somewhere in between them all. Ever happen to you? I call it the mommy brain fart, okay the fart part is from my kids.
I'll show you an example of my forgetfulness lately, in the last two weeks I've had several occurrences of this. I was going to take my kids to go on a local Easter Egg Hunt, I couldn't wait to see my baby see her first bunny. Yes, she has seen the Easter Bunny before but now she has that knowledge of people and it'll kind of be like the first time again. I hurried them up because I wasn't paying attention to the time, my baby hadn't slept yet so I was really hoping she wouldn't fall asleep in the car or just as we got there. Happens all the time. I grab a few diapers and tossed jackets towards the kids and told them to put their shoes on in the car. Trust me this is the best way to save time, you don't have to worry about doing it in the house and it takes a few minutes to get to where you are going. With the help of my son the girls got their shoes on. I looked at the time again it was 2:30, the Festival was to start at 2, most events I'd been to around here normally didn't kick off until an hour later. As I pulled up I couldn't help but notice the cars pulling out, but wait it said fun and games, the Easter Bunny and arts and crafts. Was it over? I asked a lady getting in her car.
"Yes, they are always quick. The kids get here promptly at 2 and we blow the whistle. No there was no crafts or games, just egg hunting."
I feel crush, I turn back and hear my middle child ask, "Mommy, are we going to find eggs?" My baby is sleeping in the back seat, at least she has no knowledge of what we just missed. I tell the lady thank you and ask about the games.
"Oh we were only doing games if it rained and it was a perfect day."
Double bummed, man if my brain had only worked I would've got there on time. This is what I mean by a brain fart, my brain had quit on me for just a few minutes.
Another Example: This past Saturday I took the kids to yet another Easter Egg Hunt and this one we got there early. Yep, maybe a bit too early but we weren't missing it again. My baby got to see the Easter Bunny and I did have a brain lapse when I didn't think to introduce her first to him. I called my three kids over to get pictures, my middle one jumped right up for pictures and smiled away. My son, the oldest, didn't want pictures but I convinced him to hold his baby sister and he was happy to do it. However, she WAS NOT, she'd never met the thing before and didn't want to be near him. The cameraman snapped the shot just as she started screaming. Yep, classic picture and I forgot my brain somewhere. Now she wasn't going to get near the bunny. The bunny felt so bad it kept trying to come over and she’d grab my leg and try pulling herself up on me. "Mommy, mommy, mommy." She'd look at the bunny, "No no no."
After a few hours of seeing her sister run around and dance with the bunny she did hug him and even got some nice pictures with him. Now if I'd only thought of letting her see her sister with the bunny first I think that first shot would've been great. But that's not the only time my brain died on me Saturday, nope on the way home I saw the little dummy light in my car go off. I thought, I'd fill it up later when I get closer to home.
I had to take my 4-year old girl to ballet practice. This was her first practice and it's already in the middle of the season so I don't want her late at all. My mind starts wandering and doing the what ifs, ya know what if I have to stop at a light and the car dies type of thing. I have three kids in the car, I can't just leave them and I can't exactly walk with all of them to the gas station. Not to mention I didn't have one of those gas tanks to fill it up with. I kept hoping the car wouldn't stop and would make it this journey, I looked at the time, and there was no way she was going to be there on time. I couldn't help but feel worse that I was only driving 25 mph, with this amount of speed I'd lose all the gas. Finally we reached 45 mph but I had to wait for cars to pass me, great I thought to myself. Right after I start my 45 we have to stop for a light which takes 20 minutes, no not really it was probably only two but you can imagine my stress by now. This was the busiest road where I live and if it stopped here I had no clue what I'd do, probably get a ticket and a lecture about driving around with three kids and no gas. I hadn't intended on doing this but it happened, I don't think I could explain to the officer what a mommy brain fart was either. I look around as the cars all gather around me and think how it feels like the cars are laughing at mine, "haha, she forgot to give you gas." I kind of lean in towards the steering wheel as a truck pulls up beside mine and I see a man look over, I picture him seeing my light and laughing at me. I feel the world is all staring at me and I can't do anything, if the car stops no one will help they will all drive by, or if they stop they'll ask if I need help but are really busy and will calls someone for me. I feel like bashing my head on the steering column just as the light turns green. Phew, finally! I roar away and up a hill, okay if the car is going to give out on me this is going to be the place..the worse place as I'm afraid of heights and overpasses. Growing up in California has made me hate these things. Slowly we cruise over the hill, we are just about there, and only a few streets left I take all possible shortcuts I can.
With about 8 minutes to spare I see the gas station. Yes, I knew there was one near the dance class but wasn't sure if it was working, that part of town always looked like a ghost town and knowing my luck I had just made it over here where I'd be stuck all night. I look around as I pull in, the neon light shows it's OPEN but could it be an error. I don't care, I pull up to a tank and get out, pushing the buttons to start the gas. My car is thirsty and gives me no problems this time, normally I have to fumble with the lever of the gas to get it started, I intended only putting $5 in this time as I knew I'd be putting in more later but by the time I look again I have 8 okay well I'll go to $9 and stop it there. My daughter is fretting inside that she is going to be late and never be able to go to class. Yes, drama queen moment but I understood it. I had forgot to stop at the bank on the way over which meant I only had the cash on me, however it was at this point I went to grab my purse. My purse was gone! Vanished! I searched the entire car in panic mode but it wasn't here. Then it dawned on me that I was in such a rush that I'd left it at home on my chair. How was I going to pay for gas? I didn't have money on me or my cards, they were all in the purse that sat happily at home. I had the money but were they going to believe me inside? Would they let me drive home and come back to pay them? Yeah right, not in my dreams. My son at this point reminded me that I always have change in my jacket. I smile and nod, I did remember this but I never had that much. Amazingly though as I ransacked my jacket I came up with well over $10 in coins, yes this included pennies as well. Now to count it all up again and see if they take all change. At least I wouldn't go to prison right? Yes, I was able to pay with change, but I did learn from now on that when that dummy light flashes remember to fill the tank and never leave home without your cash...or purse in my case. This is what a brain fart is and mommies have them all the time.