Friday, April 01, 2005

How many babies?

The pressure is on. We have one happy, healthy toddler. Why does everyone, our daughter included think we need another?

I was on the older side when I got pregnant, I had our daughter right before my 35th birthday and we were at least sure we didn't want two babies really close together. So, we would wait a couple years and decide. Now, I am 38 and we have pretty much decided we are done. Yet there are still those niggling doubts.

Last week in the car, my daughter said: "Mommy, I really want a sister." That got me. I am an only child and always wanted a sister. Shouldn't I give her one? I like the idea of her having someone to play with.

I also long for that cuddly baby time, someone who only wants to snuggle and doesn't wiggle away, too busy to give more than a drive-by kiss and hug. As exhausting as that dependent stage is, it is also very fulfilling.

Yet, on the other side of the equation are logical things. Finances would be very tight with another. We are on the verge of being able to travel again. I actually find a little time to write each day. I had a rough pregnancy and was sick for seven months; the thought of going through that again while entertaining a toddler is unsettling. All of the things my head tells me indicate we are done; we should not upset the delicate balance we have achieved. Someday, though, my heart says otherwise.

Nearly every day, someone asks, "Is she your only one? Are you going to have more?" Four of the moms at ballet class, out of about 12, are pregnant. Their tummies remind me, even when their words don't. The clock is ticking. If you want one, do it now.

I know women who successfully balance work, several happy kids and new pregnancies. Maybe they have something I don't. Maybe I have something they don't. I just hope I have the right decision for me.
by AnnM.

No comments: