Saturday, May 21, 2005

Why I Can't Donate My Eggs

I have over the past few years developed a growing interest in becoming an egg donor.I have been blessed with kind, smart, beautiful children and cannot imagine wanting to have children, but being unable to give birth. I think it would be wonderful to give the gift of a child to a couple who really wants to raise a child. I do understand that these couples have the option of trying to adopt but as a mother I can honestly say there is nothing as amazing as carrying a baby for nine months, bonding with your child before it is even born, and finally experiencing the miracle of birth. Sure pregnancy has its drawbacks, but feeling baby's kicks, squirms, and hiccups far outweighs the discomforts. I do believe adoption should be thoughtfully considered and I hope to adopt myself at some point in the future, but I can understand the desire to actually give birth.

So feeling as I do I have been trying to make a decision regarding whether or not to become an egg donor. Why am I hesitating since I thinking donate eggs is such a great thing? To be honest the genetic link gives me pause. It hurts me to think that someone may give birth to my baby and I will never have any contact with that precious little being. I am intellectually aware that the baby developed from my donated egg will not actually be my child. That baby will have another birth mother, but what worries me is my heart may not be able to make that distinction. I can't help but picture a child, bearing a close resemblance to my children, sitting alone in a darkened room crying his or her eyes out because of some sort of abuse. Yes, I know most parents are not abusive, but what if? What if my baby( at least genetically mine) is abused, molested, or neglected? What if he or she grows up never really feeling a sense of belonging to his or her family? What if one of my children grows up to unknowingly marry a half sibling all because I donated an egg? My list of what ifs goes on and on. I do not have the answers to my questions.

Sometimes I think I should just go ahead and do it and hope for the best. However, as a mom, I do not feel that I can simply hope for the best when it comes to my children. Again, I am considering this not yet even donated egg a part of my family. I keep picturing a chubby, laughing baby sitting on a new mom' lap, with smiling eyes look just like my son's eyes. I cannot do it. I am just not cut out to be an egg donor. I am already too emotionally attached to my eggs to give them up. What a shame. I truly would like to help.

I give kudos to the women who are able to make this sacrifice and help another woman be able to give birth. It is truly an amazing gift. I hope many women consider donating some of their eggs. Unfortunately, I will not be one of them.

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