Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I want a baby!

Liza Kollman

I want a baby. Okay, I'll admit it. I want a baby, and I want one right now.

My fiance and I have had a two year long engagement. I thought that there would be ample time to plan the wedding, enough time to figure out what we wanted to do after the wedding, and all of that kind of thing. I thought that no way would we be rushed or stressed or anything. And then, I thought, since neither of us were ready for kids, we'd give ourselves plenty of time to get ready, before we even got down the aisle.

That was the summer before last. Now, the wedding is sneaking up on us like nothing I have ever experienced before. Every day I do something for the wedding, and every day I add ten more things to my to do list. It is more than crazy, and I am more than stressed, more than freaked out. I can't believe that I ever thought we could somehow plan a wedding and think that even with two years, we wouldn’t be stressed. Know what happened? We didn’t do anything for months! We kept telling ourselves that we had plenty of time, so why bother doing anything yet. Well, it snuck by us. We had our one year pre-anniversary and we realized that we hadn’t done a thing as far as planning went… and so we finally got started. And now we are planning out our ears, I tell you. J

That’s all fine and dandy, but we have a small problem. Somewhere around the time we realized we hadn’t planned for our wedding, we also realized that we both were starting to stare at babies in supermarkets and seriously consider taking them home with us. We started to talk about baby names and argue about whose relatives to honor with middle names. My cousins kept having children – there are 18 grand kids on my mom’s side of the family, and now 7 of them have kids. Guess what, there are only 3 cousins older than me. That means that all three above me, and four who are younger than me are parents already. And I’m not!

Seriously! We aren’t even getting married for another 5 months, and we’ve got all of our children’s names picked out. We sit around and talk about what we’re gonna call our kids, how we are going to educate them and what kinds of family rules we’ll have once we have children. Its unbelievable! It takes all my will power to not go ahead and throw away my birth control right now.

Know what keeps me going? The only thing that keeps me from having a baby right this instant is that I realize that I have spent 800 dollars on a dress, and I can’t afford to get it altered to fit a pregnant me in five months. I just can’t. Otherwise, sure. We’d be going for it right now.

Why do I want a baby so much? I always thought that the whole idea of a biological clock was a little silly. I thought that it would be different when I had my own kids, thought that there’d be just this part of me that figured, okay, time to have kids. That I’d just do it because society said it was time and we figured we were ready. I thought that we’d wait until we had enough money, and until we had our heads on straight when it came to what we were going to do with our lives. We’d both have careers, we’d have a great house, no outstanding credit card bills, and we’d be ready to go ahead and have a child. Or two. Or four.

But then, just recently, there is this overwhelming need for a baby. I learned quite rapidly that the biological clock is totally and completely real. It is something that does work, and it comes on all of the sudden, without any warning. Its ridiculous, and its crazy, but it is true. We have GOT to have a child. I just can’t go any further without one!

It didn’t help matters much that my friend started up a photo blog where she kept track of some of the pictures she had done of children. She’s a professional photographer, and she has this amazing way of capturing the pure delight and wonderful-ness that is children. She posts new photos all of the time and sends out notes to say that there are new pictures. I, of course, spend a lot of time looking at her beautiful pictures, and thinking about the day that we’ll be paying her to come take those great pictures of our kids. I seriously can’t wait.

Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t think so. There is just something in a person that says that they are ready to be a parent. Something that tells them that the time has come, and that they need to get going and just do it, become a parent. Have a child. I can’t wait. I think about it all of the time.

I heard once that since my fiancĂ© and I spend so much time trying to figure out how we will raise our kids, that means we are going to be good parents. I guess I can see that. We’ve got so many plans, so many things that we want our kids to be, and so many things that we hope our kids will do, and we’re not even expecting yet. It seems so amazing to me, but its true. I am thinking that since we spend so much time thinking about it and planning for it, we’re going to be okay at it. One thing we like to do is watch Super Nanny on television. That’s the lady who tells other people how they have raised their kids the wrong way, and what they need to do in the future in order to make it better. I think that she is just great, and I can’t wait until I have kids so I can follow her advise. I have already told my fiancĂ© all about the things that she says, and how we should do those things with our kids. I think that somewhere, deep inside, he believes me.

And I’m not the only one who wants a baby, either. He’s a couple of years older than I am, and when I started to talk about how much I wanted a baby, he seemed to think I was absolutely crazy. He seemed to think that there was no way this was going to be possible, and that it was silly for me to even consider wanting a baby right away. He thought that we should wait for a few years after we got married to have kids. And I thought that he was being a little dramatic, but I figured we’d see what happened. Then, a couple of weeks ago, he had a dream about a baby, and it was our baby, and since then, babies are all that he talks about.

We’re in real trouble, I think.

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